Thursday, January 31, 2013

Adventures In Lemoore

Muscle tank; Forever 21
Turquoise rings; Vintage
Arrow ring; Wasteland
Boots; Kohl's

Photos by Mariaya Tallet

Here's some more from my adventures in Lemoore with Mariaya the other day. Let's just say the second half of this adventure got funnier. My bare behind in her car while making a wardrobe change on the side of the road right as a cop drives by. Stopping for snacks afterward, and me twisting my foot and bruising it. What's funny is that I hurt my foot walking into a Fresh 'N Easy... Now while I was busy climbing this tree for these shots like you'd think. Typical Maddie move. 

This seriously has to be one of my favorite locations though. Being able to climb up a tree and have this much room to move around and not worry about falling is awesome. Getting to look out over the horizon from so high above the ground. No to mention the gorgeous sunset that evening. Then driving back home singing Savage Garden at the top of our lungs. Perfection.

It was a good day. Also. Listen to this. \m/

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Black & White

Blazer; Rock N Republic
Top; Kohl's
Pants; Azkara

Mariaya always does an amazing job. She took me out to this field somewhere out in Lemoore to shoot, and these images came out beautifully. I'm glad she told me to wear white, because it contrasts so well with the background. 
Today's the last day of my three day weekend. Back to the school grind tomorrow. Less than two months left. I have my state board test the beginning of April. Scary.



Drive Darling BOY 

Stumbled across this little gem on YouTube tonight and had to share. I'm obsessed. 
Such good music.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Night Life

Coat; Evil Twin
The Ember Days tee; Gift
Shorts; UNIF
Tights; DIY Urban Outfitters
Boots; Kohl's

Photos by Mariaya Tallet

It's always the late night adventures that wind up being the best. Haven't done a night shoot in awhile, so thanks to Mariaya for these. I'd totally forgotten about this tee that I cut up a bit. Sean had gotten it for me at Cornerstone a couple years ago. Jealous he got to see The Ember Days live. Ya'll should check them out. The UNIF shorts and Evil Twin coat were the damage done to my wallet while I was in LA this past weekend. Buyer's regret, because that really was not necessary. Shameful. Really. I'm not proud. 
I called my therapist today. Whom I haven't seen in five years. I think it's time to go back for some sessions again. I've made a lot of changes on my own, but there's others I realize I need help with. Sigh. Anxiety disorders. I want to be better. I need to be.

Oh, and yes. I got some highlights. I'm planning out growing out my hair it's natural color for awhile and figured that would blend a bit better.


Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Gorgeous Fresno sunset.

Ready to take off for LA.

My sleeping situation while staying at my friend Lacey's for the night. Sleeping bag from third grade, no joke.

Spent way too much money here.

Went to see my friends in Wolves play at Cobalt Cafe.

Retaliating because Mike likes to take bad photos of me.

Stealing hats//Sean is metal even in his sleep.//Phinehas' new EP dropped today!

Truffles is glad to have her mama back home.

Spent the weekend down in SoCal to visit a couple of people close to me. Spent Saturday night and half of Sunday in LA with my lovely friend Lacey. Spent way too much money and ate too much food. Then Sunday night headed out to Canoga Park to see some friends at their show. After that, headed out to La Mirada to spend time with Sean. Which, by the way, his band, Phinehas' new EP, The Bridge Between, dropped today! Pick it up on iTunes here. Such genuine guys and genuine music. They're also heading out to record their next full length next month. 

This weekend did not work out anywhere near how I wanted it to. It was honestly more stressful than anything. Panic attacks a good majority of Sunday, and just a lot of us were pretty stressed out about things. But regardless, I'm glad I got to spend some time with the people I did. It's a whole lot better than nothing, and for that, I am grateful.

There has been so much going on the past couple months. I feel like some things are falling apart, other I am completely clueless on, and I think a lot of us have forgotten what we stand for and why we're even here to begin with. I've noticed some huge changes within myself the past month or so. I've gotten a whole lot closer to God. I'm starting to grow up and mature a lot. I realized how prideful I am, and gave that up. I know what I want, what I need to be. I need to learn to be at peace with my current situation, and trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to in God's timing. I need to slow down my though process. I overthink and overanalyze, and I forget that I can't read minds. I always assume things, when really, I forget I have no idea what other people are thinking and feeling. I stress myself out more than need be. It's almost an obsessive thought process. I need to work on this. Worrying and stressing myself out isn't going to do me or anyone else any good. Perhaps I've done all I can for right now, and need to accept that. Maybe it's not my turn to make the next move. Maybe I need to wait things out, and let them happen on their own. All of this is very hard for me to do. I don't like not being able to be in control. Uncertainty scares me. But I can't really do anything about that, except trust that God knows what's He's doing. Things will work out one way or another. He's watching over me and taking care of me. I need to remember this more than ever, and quit breaking myself down like I have been. It's a problem. 

Prayers and positive thoughts are more than welcome.


Friday, January 11, 2013

School Uniform: Upgraded/Late Night Musings

Jacket; random boutique in Santa Cruz
Top; H&M
Floral print pants; Kohl's
Boots; Kohl's
Abalone necklace; shop in Monterey

Since joining Phase Two (Paul Mitchell's advanced classes program), I have been allowed to incorporate white into my wardrobe, along with any color shoes I want! It's amazing how being able to add in just one more color allows me to showcase my style so much better. These floral print pants are some of my favorites. Today we had a makeup speciality class specializing in the smokey eye looks. One of my classmates did mine with the help of our wonderful learning leader, Stephanie Mele, whom I adore. I always get to hear other people's ways of describing my style, and Stephanie was talking about how she'd like to do my makeup, and described my style as more "geometric" as opposed to the more "soft" look more of my fellow classmates go for. I always love hearing different people's takes on what my style is.
I've only got 9 full weeks left of school, and I could be more stoked to be finished. Going through a year straight with no breaks is exhausting, just because I'm the type of person who has to have time to themselves, or else I start going crazy. As soon as I finish, I am taking an entire week to do absolutely nothing, recuperate, and regain my sanity. I'm amazed I've done as well as I have thus far without any breaks. It's slowly starting to get to me though. Any prayer is more than welcome.

Some more late night musings.

I wonder if you think about me even half as much as I think about you. I know you used to, and now the tables have turned. I turned these tables on myself, because of the stupid decisions I made. I won't ever be able to forgive myself if I can't make things right again. I know you were meant to be in my life, yet I dug myself deeper into this ground anyway. What if that summer was all I'll ever get to experience with you? I could never forgive myself. You make me stronger and weak all at the same time. I want to feel your fingers intertwined with mine again. I will never forget the look of longing on your face, when I knew you wanted to kiss me. I will never forget the deep sadness that swept over your face, the unwillingness to let me go when I had to head 200 miles back home. I wish I'd stayed. All these moments are forever engraved into my mind, and I don't ever want to lose them. I want these feelings again, only this time I will do everything I should have been doing all along. This time, I won't let go. I don't ever want to let you go. 

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Pen To Paper, Inked.

This is what late nights of writing look like.

Everything seems so desolate, like the leafless trees in the dead of winter, when there is no current contact. It's like I'm waiting in the dark for just a spark of light. Your voice on repeat in my head, my eyes longing for yours to make contact with mine. The big grin you always give me when you see me is engraved into my mind, and your name carved deep into my heart. How foolish was I to allow this to come to a halt? I dug myself into this hole, now trying to make my way out and back into your heart. Your name was never one I tried to erase, like so many others before. You were always the constant, always permanent. Everything of yourself that you have given me, has painted my heart into a beautiful canvas, unlike the others who only left ugly stains which are slowly being washed out. That's how I always knew you were supposed to be in my life, when God allowed you to paint me a beautiful picture, unmatched by anyone else other than He Himself. Now I can only attempt to paint with words what it is I feel for you, hoping my actions will be enough, shall I be given another chance. Our Father is still painting His masterpiece of my life, and it's beauty, I await.

- Maddie

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Year In Retrospect

Now I'm not one to believe in New Years resolutions, as you shouldn't need an excuse to make a change or to better yourself. I've already started working on all this without the coming of a new year.
This year hasn't necessarily been the best for me, but I've probably grown and matured more this year than ever before. I've made a whole hell of a lot of mistakes (not even just this past year, but years previous as well). But I've learned so much from every single one of them. I've matured so incredibly much (it's nice when your parents and other people you look up to you tell you what a difference they see in you), I've discovered who I am and what I'm about, what my passions are, and what things are actually of importance to me. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, love, music, art (encompassing style/fashion, writing, blogging), family, and the friends whom are closest and dearest to me. I've hardened myself and become a bit of a bitch over recent years, but have also realized that that's not really who I am. I let the bitterness of the world get to me. 

I'm trying to be less cynical. I've ran from those who have been closest and of most importance to me, and I am trying so hard to redeem myself, and to correct what happened between us. Want you in my life more than anything, and I'm so sorry for my bullshit excuses. I'm working on rebuilding these relationships.
Most importantly, I'm drawing closer to my Savior again, and working on strengthening my relationship with Him. I've strayed far too many times, and I want nothing more than to remain close now. He has provided with me way more than I need, much less deserve (which isn't much, if anything, at all), and I am so incredibly blessed and grateful for all that I have.

I, also, must remain true to what my chest piece reads ("Love is the Answer"), and start spreading the love like I should have been all along.

Music is one of my biggest passions and inspirations in this life, and although I'm no musician myself, it means the world to me, and I involve myself however possible. In come Kuppajoe. This place is my getaway, my release, my second home, my support group, and my place of worship. Kuppajoe is the perfect example of what the church should be: loving, non-discriminatory, and a place where we can all get together and read, discuss, and celebrate the word of Christ, all in fellowship with one another. 
Blogging is also big for me. It's my creative escape where I can share everything that means something to me. My style, my own writing, music that pulls at my heartstrings, my emotions and thoughts, and just daily ramblings. It's my way of expressing myself to the world.

Now I know a lot of people get bored with these long text posts, but writing is just as, if not more, important to me as any of these photos I share with you all. So if you did read through this all, I love you and appreciate you so much. And even if you didn't, I love you regardless. 

I know this is a long one, but I hope you all have started your year off wonderfully, and I wish you all the utmost happiness and success.

I love you all.